I've been sober 52 days.
And I'm engaged and underage.
I should be on the fucking Mtv show. D:
School starts in less than a week.
I'm pretty stoked about that.
I'm in love for the firs ttime.
And I actually don't think this guy will hurt me, because he hasn't even come close to it in the past five years I've known him.
Hmm, one of my old close friends just cut me out of her life and said 'I hope you relapse.'
I'm in such a good mood though, so I'm not gonna let her bullshit effect me.

I've been sober thirty eight days:D
I went to see Green Day last night.
It was fucking fantastic.
The people in front of us were trashed and kept falling over the seats into the row infront of them and knocking people over.
It made me realize how fucking stupid I am when I'm using.
And it made me want to stay sober for like ever.
lol.
Idunno. Just sayin.

I'm having withdrawals..
I feel fucking awful.
And I can't figure out why all of these people like me suddenly.
My ex is coming over today, we're gonna try out being friends.
I just know he's gonna try to kiss me though..
So I don't know how that'll work.
Apparently he's buying me a pack to help me get through this.
I'm extremely grateful for him right now.
And NA.
Thanks for everything whoever's out there helping me.

is this curse on your lips.

I'm pretty good today.
I'm just really impatient.
Eighteen days and twelve until I get an orange keytag:)

I'm pretty good today.
I'm watching my favorite movie, Eternal Sunshine, and talking to an amazing boy.
Who actually likes me for me.
:)
I'm sure I'm bound to fuck up this feeling by the end of the day, but for right now, in this moment, I'm good.

I really wanna go to NA tonight, and I can't.
Because no one will take me. -.-
It's not like I'm going out to a party or a friends house, I'm going somewhere beneficial to my health.:\

Teeth whiteners and haircuts.
Mmm, they taste SO fucking WIERD.
I've noticed, that everytime I spell weird, I spell it differently, because I'm never sure how it's actually spelled.
Wow, I'mma freaaaaak.

Oh lord, being bipolar fucking blows sometimes.
I feel like I just snorted a line of blow.
I'm fucking manic.
My parents think I'm high.
I think I'm going insane.

So, I just got back from visiting my eighty something year old neighbor, and apparently I made her dayXD
So, I'm in a pretty dandy mood:)

I'm in a really good mood today:)
I've realized I'm a total flirt though.
lol.
Which is a bit of a problem.

So, I'm in the wierdest mood today.:\
I feel like I'm suffocating.
Or however the fuck you spell it. -.-
I'm questioning everything and everyone in my life, and I can't bring myself to eat.
The only thing I'm happy about is the fact that I'm not hungry because I'm so stressed.
I think I need to go to NA tonight.:\

I'm really stressed out today.
I can't figure out why.
Maybe it's because everything is going so well, that my body has to fuck it up to put me back to reality?
I'm not really sure..
I just feel lost.

What if this kid wants me to give him a blowjob?
I'm not sucking on a ten inch monster thanks.

I'm a victim of my symptom
I am my own worst enemy
You're a victim of your symptom
You are your own worst enemy
Know your enemy
-Restless Heart Syndrome: Green Day.

Christian's crying
In the bathroom
And I just want to
Bum a cigarette
We've come so far,
We've been so wasted
It's written
All over our faces
We are the last call and we're so pathetic.
-Murder City: Green Day.

Little girl little girl
You dirty liar
You're just a junkie
Preaching to the choir
-¿Viva La Gloria? (Little Girl): Green Day.

Can you pretend I'm amazing?
I can pretend I'm amazing...
Instead of what we both know
I cut to the punch line baby
Can you pretend I'm amazing
Instead of what we both know..
-Amazing: Blue October.

Relapse
Prevent trigger intent
Now drown
High strung
Say X amount of words
You're solar, bipolar
Panic disorder
Seems harder and harder and harder
Still you try to control it
-X amount of words: Blue october.



I'm not sure as to why, but all of these lyrics touched me in a way I can't explain. All in different ways, good and bad, but there was still a change in feeling when I heard them.

For once in my life, I'm completely and utterly happy.
While being sober.
This is insane and too much to take in all at once.
I hope this boy doesn't let me down.

I'm like on cloud nine right now.
I'm so cheerful and bubbly I don't even know what to do with myself.

I've been clean for a week starting today.:)
I feel somewhat impowered.
I've put my just for today keytag on my keyring and another one on my bag.
So I guess I'm advertising my cleanness for the world to see.
I'm starting to go to my grandma's church tomorrow.
I'm on the search for a higher power.
I have to quit smoking because cartons now cost thirty three bucks instead of thirteen.
Killing one addiction is bad enough.
Killing two is going to be hell.

I went to NA tonight.
Things went swell.
I talked to this girl Heather who almost died three weeks ago from a coke overdose.
She gave me her number and when I need to I can call her.
I need to find a 'higher power.'
whatever that means.

I started going to NA.
I've been clean for six days.
I started talking to a guy that I liked like three years ago and found out that I might like him again.
I think I'm pansexual. That pleases my mother. lol.
The only problem is this kid has a nine and a half inch dick?
I've only had sex with girls.
So this should be odd.

I overdosed.
I just got home from the harbor.
I lost my shot at being with the girl of my dreams.
Life is shit.